The Snap
by MadAuntieKeith
Summary: Kopia-7: a world of sun, splendor and stand-up comedy. What could possibly go wrong? Featuring the 11th Doctor along with Amy, Rory and River, and later an appearance from another old friend. This was an attempt I made a year or so back at writing my own episode- unfortunately I forgot about it for a while! Might keep writing if I think the story's worth it. K just to be safe.


**Wow, I completely forgot about this! This was a Doctor Who script a started writing a while back- ah, memories :3**

**It wasn't that long ago, it was basically when Amy and Rory were around I they didn't know who River was yet- but obviously I stopped writing for a bit and completely forgot it existed XD Thought I'd put it here in case anyone's interested- maybe I'll write the rest of it, not sure yet though 'cause I don't think I really knew where it was going XD I had a vague idea, but I didn't think it through very well...**

**Characters and settings belong to the BBC, except for the ones I've added (AKA the aliens and the planet)**

**Enjoy! :D**

* * *

**The Snap**

_**Scene 1**: the interior of the TARDIS._

_The Doctor is bustling about the console, with Amy following him closely and Rory leaning on the railings._

**Amy:**

So where exactly are you trying to take us?

**Doctor:**

Well, that depends- do you want the long answer or the short answer?

**Amy:**

Seeing as your long answers give me headaches, I'm gonna go with short.

**Doctor:**

No clue!

**Amy:**

… What was the long answer?

**Doctor:**

Absolutely no clue!

**Amy:**

So what you're basically trying to say- and please, correct me if I'm wrong- is that you're spinning us through space and time at random until we land somewhere?

**Doctor:**

Amelia Pond, you read me like a book!

_Rory comes away from the railing and joins in._

**Rory:**

Er, Doctor, are you sure that's a good idea?

**Doctor:**

In what context?

**Rory:**

Well, are you sure it's safe?

**Doctor:**

Oh, I see what you mean! And no, it's incredibly dangerous and idiotic- but that's where the fun comes from.

_Pause._

**Amy:**

Doctor, are you all right?

_The Doctor continues flying the TARDIS, not looking up._

**Doctor:**

Of course I'm all right, why wouldn't I be?

**Amy:**

Maybe it's just my imagination, but you seem different- don't you think, Rory?

**Rory:**

Yeah… I dunno, it's kind of like… This may sound stupid, but it's almost like you're turning into River.

**Amy:**

That's exactly it! It's like her personality's rubbed off on you.

_River's face pops up from below the glass deck._

**River:**

What about my personality?

**Rory:**

The Doctor's picking it up.

**River:**

Oh, I hope not. I'd hate to be a bad influence.

_She winks at the Doctor, who replies with a flirty smile. She drops back below deck, carefully adjusting the wires. Her voice continues from below._

**River:**

How's that?

**Doctor:**

Almost there- are you holding the third thick cable from the edge?

**River:**

Yes.

**Doctor:**

Okay, just shift that a few inches to the left and join it to the twisty cable. A little further…

_His speech begins trailing off as he looks at the scanner._

**Doctor:**

Little… further- ah! Perfect!

_Amy and Rory jump at his sudden exclamation._

**Amy:**

What? What is it?

**Doctor:**

Brace yourselves!

_The TARDIS shudders violently as the Doctor lands her._

* * *

_**Scene 2**__: the planet's surface._

_The TARDIS has landed in a dense thicket at the edge of a forest glade. All the greenery has a bluish tinge, and dappled orange light is flooding through the gaps in the forest canopy. Spiny, brightly-coloured flowers and vines are growing around the bases of the trees, and the long bluish grass is rippling in the breeze._

_There is a moment of calm, and then the thicket begins rustling. The Doctor emerges having slashed his way through with a machete (he also put on an Indiana Jones fedora). He emerges into the glade with Amy and Rory close behind._

**Doctor:**

Voila!

**Amy:**

So, where and when are we?

**Doctor:**

Planet Kopia-7 in the Fareen galaxy, year 3056- always wanted to come here, but it always seems to slip my mind somehow- don't know why that is, maybe I've just got far too much space up there, always got something to think about. Did you know, the people here have four arms, six ears and swing through the trees with their tails? They're kind of like tall, green monkeys, only with clothes and speech and stand-up comedy.

_River emerges from the TARDIS, sparing the Doctor's new hat a withering glance before taking in her surroundings._

**River:**

Let me guess- Kopia-7?

**Doctor:**

You sound… unsurprised.

**River:**

Well, it was only a matter of time.

**Doctor:**

Meaning?

_River gives him and a knowing smile and walks up to join him, looping her arm through his._

**River:**

Spoilers! Now, come on, you. Time for some sightseeing!

_The Doctor grins back and they start strolling off, River subtly taking off his hat and putting it on her own head as they chat. The Doctor calls over his shoulder to Amy and Rory._

**Doctor:**

Feel free to explore, nothing dangerous on this planet- back here in an hour! Oh, and don't touch the purple flowers!

**Amy:**

You just said there was nothing dangerous!

**Doctor:**

They're not dangerous- except to your shirt, that pollen never washes out!

_The Doctor and River disappear into the trees, just as the Doctor realises his hat has gone and snatches it back from River, mumbling an indignant "fedoras are cool". Amy and Rory are left standing alone in the glade._

**Amy:**

How did that girl get so… this is going to make me sound like an old woman, but how did she get so headstrong?

**Rory:**

Probably gets it from your side of the family. Still, could've been worse.

**Amy:**

Yeah… She could've got your nose.

**Rory:**

Oi!

_He chases her playfully and they disappear into the trees, laughing._

* * *

_**Scene 3**__: Further into the forest._

_The Doctor and River are strolling, sniffing flowers and watching the animals as they hop over gnarled roots and thickets._

**Doctor:**

So, am I to assume that we've already been here in your timeline?

**River:**

I'm not saying anything.

**Doctor:**

I think you've just answered my question.

**River:**

You'd be surprised how the simplest sentences can be the most cryptic.

**Doctor:**

I still dream of the day that you give me a straight answer.

_River turns her head towards him and gives him a flirtatious smile._

**River:**

Don't hold your breath, Sweetie.

_She gives him a small peck on the cheek and pulls her arm out from under his, overtaking him slightly. The Doctor smiles after her and jogs a bit to catch up. He stops a few feet behind where she's standing with her scanner when he spots a red flower- it seems to have a life of its own, petals twitching and stem writhing. River talks without turning to look at him._

**River:**

I've heard people say this planet has the healthiest atmosphere of anywhere in this galaxy, possibly in the surrounding ones as well. And looking at these readings I'm not surprised- perfect levels of nitrogen, oxygen, carbon dioxide, not to mention loads of other elements non-existent back on Earth. You could come to this planet with smallpox or petrifold regression and leave feeling like a new person.

_As she is talking, the Doctor shines the sonic screwdriver at the flower. A long, tongue-like tentacle whips out of it and wraps around the screwdriver, trying to pull it from the Doctor's hand. He jumps back and ends up having a tug-of-war with the plant. He eventually wins and stands up, wiping plant slime off the screwdriver just as the tentacle whips out again and grabs his hat, yanking it into the circle of its petals and closing around it like a Venus fly trap before the Doctor can catch it._

**River:**

Still, something seems a little… off. Are you feeling it? Slight disturbance in the ecosystem- but whatever it is, it's doesn't seem to be caused by an atmospheric change. We should probably search around a bit, see if we can find the source. Don't you think, Doctor?

_Pause._

**River:**

Doctor?

_She turns around to face him. The Doctor is staring into the trees just beyond the red plant (still chewing up his hat), shining his sonic screwdriver._

**Doctor:**

River, do you hear that?

_River moves closer to him and listens intently. There is a sound coming towards them through the trees- it sounds like something or someone barreling through the undergrowth, knocking aside branches and tripping on roots. The Doctor and River move a little closer together, holding their ground. River surreptitiously draws her gun from its holster._

_Suddenly, Rory charges out into the open, knocking the Doctor over. They both fall clumsily to the ground, River jumps back in surprise._

**River:**

Rory?!

_They both get up. The Doctor starts indignantly brushing himself off, while Rory stands looking panicked._

**Rory:**

What're you standing around for? We have to run!

**Doctor:**

Run? Run from what? I told you, nothing dangerous on this planet.

_Suddenly creatures burst from the surrounding foliage. They are the ones the Doctor described at the beginning- roughly human size, with supple green scales, six pointed ears and four spidery arms, all wielding ropes and daggers, all of which are now aimed at River, Rory and the Doctor._

**Rory:**

(To the Doctor) You were saying?

* * *

_Intro music plays._

* * *

**Scene 4**: _The village._

_The Kopian aliens from the previous scene are walking through their village, pulling the Doctor, River and Rory along by ropes around their wrists. The village spans across a huge rainforest ravine, huts built into the Cliffside and rope bridges suspended over the treetops. Rich orange sunlight streams down, and the ropes and planks used in the construction are visibly weathered and bleached. The Doctor, River and Rory are led over the wide rope bridges, the village's inhabitants staring and muttering under their breath, occasionally giggling. Some of them actually reach out and pull at River's hair, or poke Rory's nose and the Doctor's chin, chuckling._

_They are being led to what seems to be the village hall. In the center of the ravine, the tallest tree looms above the rest. The top half has been hollowed out, with all the bridges converging on it. It has been carved in two storeys: the bottom floor is level with the bridges, and is sealed off with only one door and two windows. The top story resembles a stage or a band stand, completely carved out besides a few supporting columns around the edge._

_The procession continues, until Rory, River and the Doctor are pulled to a halt just outside the door to the village hall. The leader of the hunting party, a rather brutish male with flame red skin known as Ro, turns to speak to them, translated by the TARDIS._

**Ro:**

Strangers to Kopia-7, you are now being held under suspicion of causing The Snap until proven guilty or otherwise. You will now be delivered to our wise and powerful leader, the Great Gry, to be tried for your accusations.

**Doctor:**

(lamely) Any chance of a good lawyer?

**Ro:**  
Loy-ur?

**Doctor:**

Oh, yes, no written laws on Kopia-7 and therefore no lawyers. Didn't think that joke would go down well somehow, and you know a bad gag when it isn't understood on a planet whose main export is stand-up comedy and joke books.

**River:**

Sweetie, you know those times when it would be a lot better for everyone if you just shut up?

**Doctor:**

I know of them.

**River:**

This is one of them.

**Doctor:**

Ah. Understood, please Mr. Huntsman, sir, carry on!

_Ro has been standing with two of his arms crossed, glaring at them. He narrows his eyes further and speaks._

**Ro:**

You will keep the Great Gry waiting no longer. Follow me, and make no struggle.

_He grabs a carved handle on the door and pulls it open, striding through into the impressive room beyond with Rory, River and the Doctor following behind._

_The room is dominated by a large wooden table, carved with intricate designs on the surface with only a few smooth spots remaining around the edge for plates and cutlery. At the far end of the table, near the staircase at the back of the room, Amy is sitting cross legged on one of the benches running the length of the table, several small Kopians braiding charms into her hair. She is sipping from a large bronze mug of steaming liquid, laughing as the small, wiry golden Kopian (Gry) sitting across from her tells her a joke._

**Gry:**

So I just stood there, absolutely frozen, wondering why this ruddy great kopanut just seemed to be growing bigger and bigger right above my head. And then it hit me.

_Amy laughs, and then notices her friends at the door._

**Amy:**

Rory! About time you got here, we've already got through four pots of- sorry, Gry, what did you call this stuff?

**Gry:**

Technically it's Forel, but most of the locals just call it 'flippin' 'eck, my tongue's on fire!'.

_Amy bursts out laughing again. Ro looks slightly awkward, fidgeting about as he tries to get Gry's attention._

**Ro:**

Sir, my hunting party apprehended these three aliens near the Drifkenn Vale. I have reason to suspect that they may have something to do with The Snap.

_Gry stands up and strolls amiably towards the group at the door, three of his arms in his pockets, the other one loosely gesturing as he talks._

**Gry:**

Ah, poor, 2-dimensional Ro. We're hardly going to get anywhere by pointing spears at every visitor to wander through our woods. Anyway, if you think these fellas are responsible, you clearly haven't met the charming, compelling Mrs. Pond!

_He gestures back to Amy, who does a mock bow back at him, smirking slightly. Gry reaches and Ro and slaps him jovially on the shoulder._

**Ro:**

So please, Ro, for the sake of your species, your town, and your planet- lighten up, man!

_Gry turns to Rory, River and the Doctor, who have been watching the previous exchange with varying shades of confusion and amusement. Gry nods at the small Kopians working on Amy's hair to untie the ropes around the captives' hands. He playfully speaks to each of them in turn, each of them looking flattered, confused or offended as required._

**Gry:**

Well, since I doubt Ro's been particularly open to you, let me be the first to say: welcome to Kopia-7!

(To the Doctor) Let me guess: floppy hair and… eccentric fashion sense? You must be the Doctor! Brilliant to meet you- love a madman with a box, me!

(ToRiver) And if it isn't the lovely Miss Pond! Or do I call you Mrs. Doctor? Love the hair- what style is that, corkscrew rainforest or medusa?

(To Rory) …And Rory the Roman, wife of a beautiful woman and father of another- some people get all the luck! You must attract it, probably because of that gravitational field around your nose.

**Rory:**

(To Amy) Okay, did you tell him to say that? Because this is getting ridiculous!

**Gry:**

Don't worry about it! Now let's say no more of- you all look starving, I'd say it's about time to put some meat on those time-travelling bones of yours!

_They all sit at the table, except for Ro who stands awkwardly behind his chair as though waiting for permission._

**Gry:**

Now, what's your poison? Water, juice, kopanut milk-

**Doctor:**

Excuse me, Gry, don't mean to be rude, but I'm just a little curious about some things. Firstly, what exactly is The Snap? Secondly, how do you know we're time-travellers, and thirdly… do you have fish fingers and custard?

**Gry:**

Mind if I answer those in reverse order?

**Doctor:**

Certainly not.

**Gry:**

All right then. Thirdly, we have got custard but you might have to settle for smoked mistfin, we don't really do processed food. Secondly, the lovely Amy told me about your big blue box- can you give me tour sometime?

**Doctor:**

Amy! Whatever happened to keeping a low profile?

**Amy:**

…Oops.

**Gry:**

And as for The Snap… well, to explain that I'll have to go back a bit…

_Gry gestures towards one of the small Kopian assistants, who scurries over to a harp-like instrument in the corner and plucks the strings, spinning out a ripply, nostalgic run. During Gry's dramatic retelling of the story, the assistants extinguish some candles, dimming the light, some of them even make spooky ambient noises._

**Gry:**

Back to when it all began, three months ago on the Splintered Day. The sun glowed honey gold, stretching far across the horizon from the Senn Valley to the Kriaa Peaks-

**Doctor:**

Sorry to interrupt again, Sir, but it's quite hard to take you seriously with the… ambience.

**Gry:**

Oh! My apologies, we're quite used to lacing things with comedy here, as I'm sure you can imagine. I'll call them off…

_Gry snaps his fingers (on two of his hands), and the assistants cease their sound effects with shrugs and chatter quietly amongst themselves._

**Gry:**

(Clears throat) Sorry about that.

**Doctor:**

No problem whatsoever- so, The Snap?

**Gry:**

Ah, yes. So, honey gold sun… super romantic, dramatic atmosphere, yadda yadda- sorry, I'm not much of a storyteller without the background noise.

**Doctor:**

(Getting a little annoyed now) Just the essential details will be fine, thank you.

**Gry:**

Right- so, normal, beautiful day on Kopia-7, not a cloud in the sky, when suddenly- BANG!

_Everyone seated at the table jumps at his sudden exclamation, Rory almost spilling his cup of Forel._

**Gry:**

There's this huge explosion, in the sky about two miles away near the Drifkenn Vale. Then there was this light, this electric blue ball of light, and it just came hurtling down through the clouds.

**Doctor:**  
What was it?

**Gry:**

We still don't know. It fell from the sky above the vale but after that it just kept on falling, further and further away, we still haven't been able to track it down. All we know is things haven't been right on Kopia-7 since it landed.

**River:**  
I noticed that when I was scanning the atmosphere- no actual change in the content or consistency, but something was definitely wrong. I think it must have been too faint for the machine to pick up.

**Gry:**

Exactly. We've tried everything but no matter what we do we can't isolate the problem. We've been searching for months, but nothing!

**Doctor:**

Well, that's because you haven't had me here.

_He jumps up from the table, causing the Ponds to jump and Rory to spill his drink completely. River just crosses her arms and rolls her eyes._

**Doctor:**

Right then, so we're looking for a foreign object, probably large judging from the size of the flash you saw, but now almost certainly dimmed to a safe background radiation, hence your trouble locating it. Gry, Ro, I need you to stand on higher ground with me and try to describe the UFO's progression as accurately as you can. River, I need you to take that scanner of yours and take readings from as many different locations as possible, I want to know about the tiniest little anomaly, be it hydrogen or humidity. Now chop-chop, everyone!

**Amy:**

What do you want us to do?

**Doctor:**

Well I'd tell you not to wonder off but you're obviously going to do that anyway, so I'd suggest you do your usual thing of conducting your own little investigation and coming up with something extremely clever at the last minute to save the day. Or if you get bored of that you can just do couple-y stuff for an hour or so, I suppose. Now then, onwards and upwards!

_After a moment's consideration, the Doctor goes up the stairs leading to the grand bandstand with Ro and Gry in tow, and River traipses off the way she came in muttering under her breath. (Something about "he thinks he's so hot when he does that…")_

_Amy jumps up from the bench, draining the last drops of her Forel._

**Rory:**

So… We're investigating, are we?

**Amy:**

Well what else would we be doing?

**Rory:**

Couple-y stuff sounded pretty nice-

_His sentence is interrupted when Amy yanks him up from his seat and marches him towards the main door._

* * *

**Aaaaand I guess that's it for the time being! Might write more, but I'll need to plan it out a little more carefully, I'll see what I can do in between my numerous Valdangelo fics XD**

**Hope you liked it! I might keep writing for the sake of the aliens- I loved writing them! The idea behind the Kopians is they're basically natural linguists/diplomats, so if they spend time around another species or nation they'll not only pick up the language super quickly they can also immitate accents and mannerisms and immediately develop a good understanding of the culture, hence why they're so good at comedy- they have a knack for knowing what kind of humour will go down well. Seems like the kind of ridiculous people the Doctor would love- creatures with all the natural talent to be ambassadors, diplomats and translators who instead choose to do stand-up and make people laugh. Bless 'em :3**

**Anyway, possible see you next time! Feel free to give me feedback, I luvs feedback :D**


End file.
